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Do You Ever Get Over Your Child's Death?


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#1 Madelyn

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Posted 07 July 2010 - 12:53 PM

I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear ur voice again. I thought of U today, but that is nothing new. I thought about U yesterday, and days before that too. I think of U in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories & a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part. God has... you in his arms, I have you in my heart.....

Its been 5 years now since my baby girl died, and I wander if I will ever get over the death of your child, but it seems that I will never be over it, but I think sometimes nor would I want to be over it. I keep my girl’s memory alive in my heart and soul. I believe that her body died, but her spirit lives on, and that gives me peace and purpose for living. Her picture is still on my bedroom wall.........

#2 New Mama

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Posted 07 July 2010 - 01:11 PM

May god give you strength Madelyn,

I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like to be in your shoes especially when you're writing these words. I know as a mother myself I am in tears right now having just read them.

#3 phoenix

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Posted 07 July 2010 - 01:39 PM

I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear ur voice again. I thought of U today, but that is nothing new. I thought about U yesterday, and days before that too. I think of U in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories & a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part. God has... you in his arms, I have you in my heart.....

Its been 5 years now since my baby girl died, and I wander if I will ever get over the death of your child, but it seems that I will never be over it, but I think sometimes nor would I want to be over it. I keep my girl’s memory alive in my heart and soul. I believe that her body died, but her spirit lives on, and that gives me peace and purpose for living. Her picture is still on my bedroom wall.........


I am so sorry that your daughter was taken from you- really can't imagine your daily heartache Madelyn.
I don't think a parent would ever get over such a loss and I have immense respect for you finding the will and resolve for getting on with life.
My parents will never get over the death of their daughter-my youngest sister who was killed in terrible circumstances 14years ago.
She wasn't as young as your beautiful daughter but at 32, she was their baby.My sister had her own babies,two boys who were 7 and 4 when she was killed.They will never get over losing her and have had difficult times managing their anger and grief as the years go on.....

I will never get over losing her. What they say about time being a healer is rubbish.I think we all just become more accepting of our loved ones no longer physicaly being here.
Like you, Madelyn, I think my sister's spirit is lives on and is around me at times.I often talk with her in my head- and when I'm in a
pickle I'll say to her'come on help out of this' or if I can't find something I'll ask her in my head'where is the bloody thing'- you have no idea how many times she's found them!!I think of her often and recall the happy times we had growing up. I cry for her at times also and don't think there is anything wrong with that.

Keeping her in my heart and talking about her with friends is very comforting for me.
Keep your daughter's picture on the wall and have a wee blether to her everyday,I hope this helps
x

#4 Sockets

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Posted 07 July 2010 - 02:02 PM

It's 17 years since my baby son died aged 3 days old, I don't think you ever get over a child's death but I have learnt how to deal with it as such. I think about Nathan every day even if only for a few seconds and wish things could of been so different and what if.

I am useless at writing down what I really want to say but basically I would say I cope with it but will never get over his death. It has made me a stronger person mentally but a paranoid mother to my 3 children that I have now - I fuss, worry etc far too much but that will never change.

I agree with phoenix - time isn't a healer it's just how you come to deal with it.

Thinking of you Madelyn x

Edited by Sockets, 07 July 2010 - 02:23 PM.


#5 triplets-heaven

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Posted 07 July 2010 - 02:58 PM

This is every mother's worst nightmare. I wake up in tears after a nightmare like this, i can't begin to imagine what it must feel like and pray every day that no mother will ever have to experience that.
For those who have....there are no words in the whole world that anyone can say, nothing anyone can do to make it better. My heart and prayers go out to you, we have to believe that everything happens for a reason other wise we'd go crazy, easier said than done of course. I hope that God will give you strength and power, your angels are in a better place, watching over you every single day.

Much love

TH

#6 Louise

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Posted 07 July 2010 - 03:54 PM

I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear ur voice again. I thought of U today, but that is nothing new. I thought about U yesterday, and days before that too. I think of U in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories & a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part. God has... you in his arms, I have you in my heart.....

Its been 5 years now since my baby girl died, and I wander if I will ever get over the death of your child, but it seems that I will never be over it, but I think sometimes nor would I want to be over it. I keep my girl’s memory alive in my heart and soul. I believe that her body died, but her spirit lives on, and that gives me peace and purpose for living. Her picture is still on my bedroom wall.........



Its been 16 years since my baby girl died and I think of her all the time......but I try to think of how she would be now and what a great person she would have been. It helps, but No, I will never get over it..........just learn't to cope with it.

I hope you can too someday, but I know just how hard that can be.

#7 BritNic

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Posted 07 July 2010 - 04:23 PM

Its been 16 years since my baby girl died and I think of her all the time......but I try to think of how she would be now and what a great person she would have been. It helps, but No, I will never get over it..........just learn't to cope with it.

I hope you can too someday, but I know just how hard that can be.


My heart and thoughts are with you Madelyn, Louise, Sockets and anyone else who's suffered in this way. It's almost five years for us too since our little girl Isabelle was stillborn. Time does not heal the pain, it just becomes part of you and you live with it differently as time goes by I think. We'll always carry our losses with us and at times it will hurt as much as the day it happened. I often see a little girl the same age as Issy would be if she had lived and it's like a physical blow.

Maybe the spirit of our angels are together now looking out for us. I'm sending out my love to them all xxx

#8 alirob

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Posted 07 July 2010 - 04:52 PM

Dear Madelyn, Louise, Sockets and BritNic,

I am so very sorry for your losses, the death of a child is the most terrible loss that I can imagine.

I just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

xxx

#9 baileyxx

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Posted 07 July 2010 - 06:12 PM

At times it is hard to imagine that anyone else knows the deep pain that is left inside of you after your child has died. To hear your grief and sorrow at the loss of your child gives me strength to know that you can carry on after such a life altering event. My son died in a MVA 2 years ago. It seems that the more time between us the further away from me he becomes. The less fresh in my mind he is. The little mementos I have left from him (only material things I know) are losing his scent (how strange that seems!). I was clearing out old emails from my inbox and came across some of his emails just yesterday. These events will happen less as times goes on. Less connected to his life. Accepting his death is so hard still. His favourite songs still come on the radio, I hear what his friends are up to still on FB so I still have some connection to his life. People I meet now will ask me politely about my children and how many I have (just the normal polite conversation type questions) and I refuse not to mention him as if he never existed. I will mention in the count, my 26 year old son who is no longer with us. How uncomfortable that can make people feel but I would be doing my eldest son an injustice by not mentioning him. He left behind two younger brothers who miss him terribly too.
I feel like a total basket case on the inside but life is going on and I can't show the mess that I truly am. Does that huge, gaping hole left inside of me ever go? People aren't comfortable talking about death so I rarely mention it. Just keep up the facade and hopefully one day, it will become less effing painful. So thank you Madelyn for opening this discussion and sharing your loss. It is healthy to be able to share such a thing I believe as taboo as this discussion generally can be. Thank you and God take care of our children.

#10 Jillybean

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Posted 07 July 2010 - 06:55 PM

I am sobbing whilst reading about all you brave Mums. There is nothing that those of us who have not experienced this can say to help or comfort you - but I can say that you are in my thoughts so very much. I am so sorry.

#11 serene

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Posted 07 July 2010 - 08:56 PM

My heart goes out to all of you: Madelyn, Sockets, Louise, BritNic, baileyxx, and all the mothers that have experienced the loss of a child. I am so sorry for your bereavement... I pray that God will you give you patience and strength.

It must be one of the greatest of loses to experience. May it become easier to accept as time goes on, and may you gain the fortitude to live, love and give to those you still have with you. Every moment is a blessing. Seize it. And the moments you shared with your children will always be precious.

Take care...

#12 Madelyn

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Posted 07 July 2010 - 10:03 PM

Thankyou everyone, I dont't often talk about my little girl, it hurts so much..... even to see a blond little girl reminds me of her and that hurts...!, but sometimes it helps just to talk about it. Sockets, Louise, Britnic and Bailey I am so sorry, you are in my thoughts...

#13 luckymama

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Posted 08 July 2010 - 05:44 AM

In reading this I am in tears.
A close friend of mine died yesterday and we are going home for her funeral.
We suffered a miscarriage (I think of it as losing a baby) before we managed to have our little one, and I don't think I will ever be able to not wonder and think of what she would have been like. I guess it easier for me to have not known her in many ways.

I find it incredible that the human spirit manages to keep us going, despite such pain.
So, no I don't think you get over it, more that the grief becomes a little part of who you are.
I think once you acknowledge and allow yourself to be sad it helps the healing process.

My heart and prayers go out to all who have lost children and I send you strength and courage.
xxx

#14 Tototinytot

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Posted 08 July 2010 - 06:04 PM

I feel for you and can truly sympathize.

I too lost my daughter Angel Louise 9 years ago. I will never get over it but i just learn to live with it. Not a day goes by when i don't think about her sometimes with sadness and sometimes with joy. Sometimes if i am feeling particularly sad or want to share something with her i write my feeling or thoughts on a piece of paper and tie it to a balloon and let it go. I don't know why but watching that piece of paper float away into the sky makes me feel much better and i believe that she will some how read it.

I now have a wonderful 10 month old daughter. She brings me so much joy and happiness and i feel blessed i have another chance to be the mum i wanted to be 9 years ago. I will never forget my Angel and her memory will live on through my thoughts and prays. I have a poem that the hospital gave me. You may of heard it but it always makes me feel better-

In a baby castle just beyond my eye,
My baby plays with wonderful thing that money can not buy,
Who are we to wish her back in to this world of strife
Go on ..........(babys name), play on baby. You have eternal life.

My heart goes out to all of you mothers and Fathers out there who have lost a child.

#15 babybutterfly

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Posted 08 July 2010 - 08:05 PM

There is not a single word i can say that would even attempt to bring you the comfort and peace that you all so deserve......just to say i am so sorry for all of you who have lost people so special to you (children, parents, siblings, friends). May God keep them safe in his arms until you meet again......Lx

#16 voyager

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Posted 08 July 2010 - 08:20 PM

My sincere condolences to those of you who have lost a child. My sister died over 20 years ago and I still think of her. My mother was never the same after her death. My brother and his wife also lost a 5 month-old baby boy to SIDS many years ago and struggle to this day to cope with their loss. Time does not fully heal but helps ease the pain eventually. I think talking about and sharing good memories of our departed loved ones helps one to cope. I often relay stories about my sister to my kids - tho' they never met her, I hope they will never forget she was a vital part of our family and that way she lives on... in spirit. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

#17 dakmor

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Posted 09 July 2010 - 01:32 AM

My Auntie lost her her beautiful daughter to cancer when she was 7 years old.She found it hard to function, and get through the day, she cried,had panick attacks and just gave up wanting to live.

We finally pursuaded her to go and talk to a bereavement councillor who gave here a piece of advice which helped her to get through each day and finally start to look to the future. Here is what she said...

Imagine what Heaven looks like..warm sunshine, green, grassy meadows, flowers and rolling hills,children are running, playing, laughing. In the distance Victoria is sitting alone on a hill sadly watching the other children play,she wants to join them, but she can't because you won't let her go, your sadness keeps her sitting on the hill alone watching the other children play.
Let her go..next time you think of her, think of her running, laughing, playing, being hugged and loved by the older children, she's happy..let her play. xx

#18 IAK

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Posted 18 September 2010 - 02:36 AM

More than two months after this thread was started, I happened to see it ADW. My heart is bursting right now and I feel for all of you who have lost those so precious to you. I am so sorry. May God comfort you and give you strength. May each one of you one day be able embrase the loved ones in heaven! God bless you!

#19 vichy

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Posted 18 September 2010 - 06:19 AM

I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear ur voice again. I thought of U today, but that is nothing new. I thought about U yesterday, and days before that too. I think of U in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories & a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part. God has... you in his arms, I have you in my heart.....

Its been 5 years now since my baby girl died, and I wander if I will ever get over the death of your child, but it seems that I will never be over it, but I think sometimes nor would I want to be over it. I keep my girl’s memory alive in my heart and soul. I believe that her body died, but her spirit lives on, and that gives me peace and purpose for living. Her picture is still on my bedroom wall.........



Dear Madelyn
I'm very sorry for the loss of your precious child. I am sure in the world over every mother's heart goes out to you. In a way, your baby doll is still living with you and all the things you do, all the small victories you earn, the brave smiles you put on are all for her. The beautiful things that happen and continue to happen around you is her gift to you ever reminding you of her presence as she watches over her momma and smiles down on you. Never lose heart dear, as she is continuing to live through you and you continue to conquer life's challenges one by one for her. I pray that God gives you the courage to bear this ordeal and that you continue to heal.
Deepest sympathies
Vichy

#20 chari

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Posted 19 September 2010 - 11:44 AM

Hi Madelyn,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. To be honest I don't think one can get over the loss of a child! It's just one of those things. I had a stillbirth at 39 weeks about three years ago but till this day there is not a day that goes by without me thinking of my baby girl. Before that stillbirth I had a miscarriage so you can imagine how devastating it was.

Eventhough I fell pregnant almost instantly after and was blessed with a healthy and beautiful baby girl who will be turning 2 in December InshahAllah (Allah willing). But that pregnancy was hell...I was constantly thinking that something will go wrong again and it will happen again. But she came exactly 2 days before her sisters first death anniversary!! So after celebarating my little ones arrival 2 days later I was back reliving the stillbirth all over again!

I am hoping it will get better with time but every year it's the same. Now I am waiting for the day when I will get to see her again and her eyes will be wide open staring back at me rather than shut tight.

If you ever need to talk drop me a line...it helps to talk about it. So to all those mums who have healthy babys be grateful you have no idea how blessed you are.

Chari




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